Grow, grow where you are. Anchor your roots underneath. Doubt your doubts, and believe your beliefs…

April 1st. 2013 is moving in WARP SPEED I tell ya.  Today was the single greatest day for any baseball fan in the entire world.  Opening Day!  I love it, everything is fresh, every team has a clean slate, we all have expectations for the teams we follow, unfortunately being a Cubs fan, I know how my season will end up, but hey, win or lose, I’m always rooting for em 100%.  Anyhow, it was also Dyngus Day.  For thos of you who do not know what Dyngus Day is, Google it because I don’t have time to explain it.  I will summarize what it is where I live, free public transportation, and a ton of drunk people roaming the streets.  The older I have gotten the less, and less desirable it has become.  The older I get, the younger and dumber the patrons become, meaning there is more trouble than what it’s worth out there.  

So this year, I went to Buffalo Wild Wings, watched my beloved Cubbies, came home and slept.  Although I did get many a proposition to come out and play, which I’ll admit was sort of tempting, I didn’t partake in the festivities.  I have actually been Dyngus free since 2010.  So this is my 3rd year not doing the festivites.  Tomorrow my body will thank me as it has in years past.  

At any rate, this blog has served many purposes since I started writing sporadically in July.  First it was to hold myself accountable for things I was trying to achieve.  Over time it has become a quasi-soapbox for my feelings and goings on in my life.  I do like the direction it has taken.  I have gained some followers who are complete strangers, which means that what I’m writing must be resonating with people.  That makes me happy. When I was in high school, I was really into writing, not so much about personal things, but short stories and things like that.  

I really wanted to become a writer at one point in my life.  I kind of got away from that the older I got, but when I learned how to play guitar, I found a new outlet for writing and that was songs.  It was so therapeutic to write about events that were taking place and putting them into song.  Some pretty darn good, some not so much, but they all served a purpose in my life.  Then I sort of quit that as I mentioned a number of blog posts ago.  I did write a couple of new songs, but I haven’t written much since then.  The only writing I do is on here.  I took a week off from the blog because I was just busy with work and had really no spare time to write, then a friend of mine sent me an e-mail asking when I was going to blog again, and that made me really happy to know that at least one person actually looks forward to my blog. 

So as time has progressed, this whole thing has developed into me helping myself realize things and putting my flaws out there, and being comfortable with that.  I have never been a confident person, for whatever reason.  It’s just me, it’s not that I had a bad upbringing and my parents suck and were terrible, they are quite awesome and were good at boosting self-esteem and all of that.  Somewhere along the way, you fail a few times at things, and your confidence just kind of leaves you.   

As I type my blog nowadays, it’s become a lot more than self-actualization for me.  I am now hoping that while I’m figuring out myself someone who follows or someone who just happens to stumble upon the blog gets something out of it.  I didn’t try to make it that way, that’s just the natural progression that it took.  Take my friend www.willpowerthru.com for example, his writing style is very, very different from mine.  When I read his blog, since I know him personally I can hear him tell me the story, so it makes it even funnier to me because I know his mannerisms and tone of voice and things like that.  The average reader may still find it funny, which it is funny, he’s a very, very funny guy, they don’t get the same humor out of it that I do.  Ole Benihana is the guy that’s responsible for me blogging, if he didn’t do it, I never would have even dreamed of it.  

My writing style can be funny at times depending on my mood, see also the blog post about the guy who didn’t know Phil Collins was the drummer for Genesis, I was a in a mood that day and felt like telling a funny story.  Mostly now I’m down to brass tacks, getting down to the business of getting down. I don’t try to be so serious, because if you know me outside of the blogosphere, you know I do have a sense of humor and like to have fun, but this blog, as I have mentioned has turned into something else.  

When 2013 began 4 short months ago, I was in shambles, I still am.  I have just taken each day as an opportunity to try to improve myself somehow whether it’s a physical improvement, or if it’s something mental.  I think my outlook on things has become more positive than it ever has been in my whole life, which says a lot.  I feel like I can actually try to help people just by sharing my experiences or talking about how I’m feeling, and I never in a million years thought my life would take me to that point. I think throughout the past 4 months I have become less selfish and willing to give more to situations and people than I ever would have before, and maybe it’s because of the blog, or maybe its because if you want to grow as a person, you have to make an attempt and whatever seeds get imparted into you, you have to water and nurture those because they were given to you, to pass on to someone else. 

Which is an awesome segue into the lyrics for today.  The lyrics are from “Ode To Chin” by Switchfoot off of their 1997 debut albume The Legend Of Chin.  I haven’t heard that song in awhile, and I actually listened to it while typing the blog tonight.  It makes sense to me to continue to grow and plant your roots and make sure you are a solid foundation before you do, don’t let any doubt get in your way and always believe in what you want, don’t let anyone shake your core, your foundation, it’s what makes you, you.  So with that said, until another time….

And I have become much less. Wide-eyed for your indescretions. I can’t understand why you’ve chosen me, to keep those dreadful stories friendly.

So day 3 of Operation 200 is underway.  I didn’t exercise today and I feel like I should’ve, but instead I slept.  A lot.  I am currently as I type this at work on a midnight shift, so the sleep was essential. I did eat pretty healthy today so far.  I haven’t had my “dinner” yet.  

Lunch consisted of some broccoli and cauiflower with ranch dressing and a pickle.  I had some water also.  For a snack, at about 8:30pm I had a handful of Mulitgrain Tostitos and about 2 tbsp’s of salsa.  For Dinner, which I will eat around 2am it will be chicken fajita strips on whole wheat tortillas with sour cream, salsa and colby jack cheese, and a small handful of Multigrain Tostitos.  

I know I can eat healthy I’ve done it before.  So I’m not trying to prove to myself or anyone that I can.  I was just really comfortable over the summer when I was down to 204 pounds.  The looks people would give me were hilarious.  You know you know me, but you’re in such disbelief because the last time you saw me I looked like the Goodyear blimp.  At any rate, it’s a good feeling when people notice that you’ve done something to better yourself and can see the physical attributes of that.  It’s nice to be complimented every now and again, and I hate compliments.  

That is a fact.  I don’t like it when people go out of their way to say, wow you look great, or wow you’re a great singer, or wow you did a good job.  All I do, is be me.  The best me I can be, I shouldn’t be rewarded with compliments for being myself and doing what I do.  It is appreciated though, I just feel weird about it.  I’m pretty modest when it comes to that sort of thing so maybe that’s why.  At any rate, Monday will be the big weigh in for week one.  I’m hoping to be down 3 pounds in a week, which I would be alright with, especially for minimal activity and just changing eating habits.  I’ll keep you updated on the happenings.  Attack the day!!!! 

The lyric from today’s title comes from a song called “A Friend I Had” by Aaron Sprinkle off of his solo debut album Moontraveller.  That whole album is very chill and melodic and when it came out I was just learning how to play guitar and I was like this is it, this is the sound I want to have, so smooth and chill, while I don’t think I capture his essence, which is good because it’s me, I do think Aaron’s work really inspired me when I was starting to play guitar and write songs.  So there ya have it.  Check it out sometime if you haven’t already.  Until another time….

All day, staring at the ceiling, making friends with shadows on my wall…

I don’t really have a whole lot to write about as far as my sobriety is concerned.  It’s still intact. I did write a song the other day.  I have written two songs since probably January, and they were my first new songs that I have written in a very long time.  It seems that when you’re going through a personal crisis or just personal stuff, if you have the means to be creative, the flood gates just open up. 

While they’re not the greatest songs I have ever written, they’re both solid in their own right.  I had been in a terrible, terrible writer’s block.  I would be able to come up with a verse, but not a chorus, or a chorus and not a verse, or words but not a melody.  it just wasn’t happening for me.  Then I saw a picture on Facebook that someone had taken from their cell phone out from an airplane out the window and the caption was “almost heaven”.  So I was like hmmm, that sounds like it could be used in a song, so I quickly picked up the guitar, grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen and wrote a song in about 15 minutes.  

I was nowhere near a computer or I would’ve laid down a demo track of it and posted it online.  Instead, I went into the bathroom where acoustics are generally phenomenal, and pulled out the trusty old cellphone and recorded it that way.  It’s crazy what one will do when they feel creative in the moment.  One thing I have never really experienced as far as writing music goes is writing within a group.  

Any time I have been in a band, I had written the songs at home, just the skeleton of the song you know.  Chord structure, melody line, lyrics that sort of thing and brought it to the table.  I have never been a part of organically jamming and being like, hey let’s use that drum pattern, that bass line and this riff and see if we can’t come up with something feasible here.  Never been a part of that, ever.  i don’t know if I could, only because it hasn’t ever happened, not because I don’t think I am capable.  Like I said anytime I have ever written it’s been me, some paper, a pen, and an acoustic guitar.  Then blammo, a song is born.  

I used to be able to write songs all of the time.  Then I got happy, and then i wrote songs here and there.  Then I didn’t write at all because I was busy.  It was refreshing though to be able to sit down and just let it flow. I remember being in my early 20’s and that being able to happen to me where I’d hear someone say something or I would see a word and be like, I have an idea for a song, and 15-20 minutes later have something.

It used to be my therapy.  Whenever I was dealing with something, I would turn to music.  The one thing that has never turned it’s back on me is music.  Somewhere along the way, I lost the plot and didn’t use music to help me deal with feelings of anger or sadness or happiness for that matter.  After writing the other day though I have become quite inspired and I feel there is just a mess of songs to come pouring out of me.  I don’t know if they’ll be any good, nor do I care.  To me songwriting is like a diary.  Songs I wrote when I was 21 don’t really mean to me now what they did then, but if I get reminiscent they show up in a set every once in awhile.  

So coupled with some changes in my life, it’s nice to have an old friend come back and be able to help me out like it has so many times before.  Until another time…

Here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends…

Sorry for the lack of a post for Friday.  Played a gig up in Michigan, it was a good time.  Had some people come out in support, I appreciated it very much.  Got to watch DA BEARS while I was playing, that’s always a treat.  Good people in Michigan.  Was completely smoke free.  Had a few beers, still managed to not smoke.  Making progress.  I love progress.  Moving forward.  Good stuff!!!  Premiered “Mullet Town” which was a song Ben Konowitz and myself had come up with.  He lost the original lyrics, but posted a tidbit on his blog from July 12th.  I will be posting a lo-fi demo of the song to my Sound Cloud page and giving you all link for Sunday.  It’s a country song.  I don’t play country music.  I don’t even really listen to it, but it turned out well.  Could be the next #1 hit, ya never know.  Anywho, it’s late and I’m tired.  Until another time!!!  Oh yeah, still maintaining the smoke-free craze today as well and had a wonderful day with my kiddo.  I love spending time with her!!!

I am guilty by design, so there is no use in tryin…

Non-smoking going well.  Exercising could be more vigorous.  Will weigh in on Wednesday. Pretty sure that’s not gonna bode well. Haven’t drank since Friday, plan on not drinking until September 1st.  Things are looking up.

You ever feel like you run out of things to talk about?  That’s what I am feeling with the blog at the moment.  I liken it to journaling.  I was never much for that.  I used to write songs by the truck loads to get a certain emotion out.  I would like to take some time to share a song I wrote about 9 years ago and had the pleasure of recording with my mates at the time.  If anyone has seen me play live between 2003-present, with or without a band, you have heard this song.  I will give you a little background behind it as well.

The song is called The Bad Guy.  I wrote it at my mom’s dining room table when I was 23.  I was pretty pissed off and bummed out about a situation that dealt with a friend of mine who was cheating on his girlfriend.  The girl he was cheating with sought me out and wanted to be my friend, I didn’t want to be put in the middle, and I kept expressing this sentiment.  Ultimately it turned out that everything I was saying to this girl was becoming twisted around and just made me look like the bad guy, and I wasn’t even the one cheating on anyone.  I was single at the time.  So out of frustration I came up with the main riff which is in A minor and wrote it bare bones and laid down a skeleton track of it.  Took it to rehearsal and we banged it out.  I am extremely proud of the song and how it turned out and what everyone that played on it was able to contribute.  It’s just a demo, but it had a lot of promise and I will say it is one of my favorite songs to play in front of people.  Whether they know it’s an original tune or not, it doesn’t matter to me. So enjoy by clicking the link below…

The Bad Guy